Do "thoughts and prayers" make you cringe?

I started my morning in the wrong place but I ended up in the place I needed to be. I believe God changes all for good, even when we fight against Him. Sometimes it’s a simple poor decision like hopping on Facebook instead of spending time in prayer. I eventually find myself shifting into prayer, I just take the long way to get there.

You should never wake up and jump onto social media. A vast majority of streaming information from the web is negative. It’s a terrible habit to pour sadness and negativity into your brain first thing in the morning, yet many times, I have a hefty helping with a side of coffee.

I quickly noticed the posts of four friends that I have been following. I have been praying over them. All four individuals have cancer in varying degrees and stages. Two have aggressive forms of cancer and may not survive. I am not aware of their faith through this struggle, but I can see the faith of others that offer prayers for them. As I think over each situation, I think of their families. I think about how we all share similar characteristics, we are in the same age range. I think about how our lives have intersected. It makes their struggle feel close. I am thankful for my health and sad for theirs at the same time.

I see many posts in their timeline. Many of the comments have a wide array of sentiments and sympathy. The range is between, “I am thinking about you.” to “I am praying for you and believe God will take care of things.” They are statements that declare strength from within to battle the sickness and there are also statements to submit to God for strength and healing. I see different forms of response to suffering.

“I will fight this.”

or

“I will allow God to fight this for me.”

None of the statements are incorrect. They are all filled with love and sincerity. They all have truth and are well intended. I see the expanse of faith in each post. I reflect on the words that I myself have posted over time.

“I will be praying for you and your family.”

There was a time, not long ago, that I said these words intending to pray at some point. There were times that I even considered the statement itself as a form of prayer to God and that I could check it off the list. I said it and I did it.

Now, more than ever, I add these intentions to my prayers all of the time and throughout my day. This has made me realize how many people need prayer. If I am to make good on my word to them because I truly care, I will pray for them. I speak to God out of compassion and not an obligation. If I am only praying to make good on my commitment, I am praying for myself. If I submit and pray for these friends because I believe in some benefit for them, I am praying selflessly.

I move to the liturgy of the day. Saturday, November, 12th. 

Luke 18:1–8

“Jesus told His disciples a parable about the necessity for them to pray always and without becoming weary.”

He continues by describing a wicked judge who comes to finally render a verdict of justice on the request of a woman that has been pleading. The judge admits that he is only giving this verdict because he wants the woman to stop her persistence.

Jesus flips that parable to describe God’s response.

“The Lord said, “Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says.”

This should grab your attention. God tells us to examine the response from the wicked judge. This judge makes a decision lest the woman finally come and strike him. This reference highlights the woman’s unwary attempts for justice.

“Will not God then secure the rights of His chosen ones who call out to Him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, He will see to it that justice is done for them speedily.”

Jesus is telling us that God not only hears our prayers but will answer them. If the dishonest judge hears petitions and eventually responds we can take heart that our loving God and judge will do much more. We may not always receive the desired outcome, but that does not mean that we will not receive a response. The answer may not come at a time when we want it, but it will come when we need it. This scripture promises that one will be rendered.

I have often struggled with this. I have operated much of my life on the fast food method of request. I ask for something and then I drive up and receive it. Because of this, I have judged my own attempts at prayer unfairly.

The older I become the more intriguing I find the phrase, “thoughts and prayers”. As a youth, it was non-existent in my vocabulary. I remember hearing people say it, but I associated it with retired church people in their golden years with too much time on their hands. What an insensitive and ironic thought. Here, were people that may not have had much time left in life and I never gave much thought as to why they would spend this time praying. They would keep their eyes peeled like a sentinel in a lighthouse. Any sign of tragedy, sickness, or people in need would see them spring into action and apply their prayers. I was so far removed from this lifestyle.

When I became enveloped in the world, I saw this phrase as satirical and ingenious. It was the auto-response on social media to people in need. If someone lost a job, it was “thoughts and prayers”, if someone experienced sickness, “thoughts and prayers”. If someone was grieving over the loss of a loved one, there were always dozens of “thoughts and prayers” thrown out. This was a way to say, “I feel bad for you but I am keeping my distance. I hope things work out but I need to take care of my needs first. I will circle back from time to time and check on you. I am busy.”

If I prayed it was short. I had to return to work. I had responsibilities. I needed to work to advance my career. I had soccer games, homework, and making sure my kids said their prayers before bed (more irony).

The older I get, the more I have seen people around me change from grieving at a distance for others to grieving closely for loved ones and themselves. We have gone from sympathy for our second and third-degree connections experiencing pain, to intimately and empathetically knowing pain with our first-degree connections.

I have moved from knowing someone that had a cousin, who had a stepbrother that died from cancer to now knowing many friends from my social circles, and family members, who are suffering and dying from sickness and old age. As I continue to age, I now know people that have passed unexpectedly in accidents. People that have left too soon. The sadness of death and sickness now surround me. My days of youthful immortality are now gone. I submit to the truth. We are all slowly dying.

It can be morbid and sad. Many people cling to this sadness. I choose to bring peace through my prayers. I circle back to read Paul’s letter to John again. Reading it before the Gospel didn’t make sense. When I had the parable of Jesus in hand, I went back to find more meaning.

3 John 5–8

“Beloved, you are faithful in all you do for the brothers and sisters, especially for strangers… Please help them in a way worthy of God to continue their journey.”

Paul is telling us to pray for all without growing weary. He is echoing the parable from Luke. Our brothers and sisters are those in Christ. They are people in our church. They are family members. They are people that we are not embarrassed to pray for out loud and publicly. They are the people that will pray for us in return.

We are to pray for strangers. These are the people that cause weariness because they may not receive prayers. They are our acquaintances, our enemies, the unfamiliar, and the atheists that surround us. They are wicked by deeds, broken-hearted, and mistreated. They are the people that reject our prayers and ask for our thoughts instead. These are the people that may not return our prayers and the people that will judge us for offering them.

How can we help in a way that is worthy of God?

Again, I used to think that my helping by words alone were hollow. People that only prayed lacked action and therefore did not really care.

“Prayers aren’t going to save them.”

“Let’s see your prayers fix that.”

“Why don’t you lobby for change through government? That will make real change.”

I have seen these statements and more throughout the suffering in others. I have used this mentality to judge my own prayers. I go back to the words of Jesus in Luke.

“Pray always without becoming weary.”

Paul confirms this to be pleasing and worthy to God.

Here’s the kicker to bring it all home. Jesus is telling us to pray for others not so they will receive prayers and give us recognition. We are to pray because God wants to receive prayers from us. His desire is for us to connect to Him. The Father is completely in love with us and wants us to recognize our total dependence on Him. God wants to hear our prayers and answer them. We pray to God for others because it allows us to connect to the heart of the Father in the same way that Jesus is connected to the Father. 

 And so my list grows longer each day. The number of people needing prayer grows not because I am looking for more people, but because there are so many more in need. I continue to grow this list because God calls me to and because God promises to receive it and respond.

When I surrender to these thoughts, my old preconceived notations surrounding prayer, crumble. I no longer judge myself in prayer. I am thankful for those people that prayed for me in my youth when I wasn’t mature enough to receive it because I know that God received it. I look forward to taking their place and administering prayer to those that need it because I know God will respond.